Hello, it’s me, Nasrallah. Can you hear me?

Posted on July 15, 2006
Tags: Politics |

This is my own translation to a funny article published today by Bud Zeinman about Nasrallah in his blog.

Hello, it’s me, Nasrallah. Can you hear me?

The leader of the Hizbollah on the phone with Bud Zeinman

by Bud Zeinman.

Nasrallah? Walla, it is you! I was worried about you ya ayuni, I thought maybe something happened to you. What are you doing on the phone, big guy? Come on, come climb on the stage, stand upright and speak to the nation. Why are you talking on the phone? This is not a radio show, we don’t near to hear about the traffic: there are no traffic jams, no cars, you hardly have any roads or bridges left. Everything gone kaput.

Where did you disappear all of a sudden during primetime? The rating couldn’t be higher, everyone wants to see just you speaking. I can hear you now on the television, I recognize your voice but don’t understand what happened. Why can’t we see you? Where’s you famous smile? The pride? The confidence? The big honour? All those things we got used to from you.

Listen bro, I’m really sorry about all the mess happening there in your hood ‘Dahia’. I hope you’re not taking it too hard because of all that. You know, the whole blowing up of your building.. that 11 floors something, sorry two buildings. They say it used to be your headquarters or shit like that, where you used to run your whole operation out of.

So how dude, all gone to bits ehy? Everything collapsed. One minute you have a building and then the air force spits a few missiles on you and it’s all dust. What a shame. Will probably take you quite some time to rebuild it all. That’s how it is, Arabs built is and Zionists destroyed it. Each and their own speciality.

Oh yeah, btw, I heard your house was also bombed. Yes yes we saw on the television. I tell ya that was something. Out of this world. The living room, the plasma TVs, the new kitchen, the jacuzzi - two missiles and everything’s flying all over the place. I just hope you didn’t have anything important at home.

But forget it man, don’t get too depressed. Look on the bright side of things. We spoke to Ulmert and Halutz, those you made fun of and said they are rookies. New meat on the market. They say they didn’t even try to kill you, just to destroy your command HQ. So come over man, get off the phone, you have nothing to fear, you can come out and speak to the cameras, we won’t hurt you. You have my word.

What, you’re still scared? Since when you’re chickening out this way ya Hasan? You’re disappointing your people. Everyone is just waiting to sea you on the screen. Bringing the message to the people like a true leader. And you? All you bring them is fire destruction and ruin. And doing it over air-time.

I really don’t get you. What did you need all this mess for? To harass us and kidnap our soldiers just like that without a reason? What did you get out of it besides trouble and fire raining down from the sky on you and your people? Even your brothers are turning against you. The Saudis are urging you, your own government is renouncing you, you’re almost alone. I remember just a few days ago, you were speaking to your people honorably, standing on the stage with your head held high, smiling, all happy and content with life. You used to sit with your mates after the show to smoke nargilah and eat some knafe and baklawa. Look at you today, threatening us over the phone.

Let’s put things in perspective. OK, you’re hitting us with rockets and we also have dead and wounded. To be precise about one tenth of the casualties on your side. But let’s be frank for a moment here, that’s nothing new, that’s not the first time Hizbollah kidnaps soldiers. It happened in the past and would have happened in the future again.

Over on your end though, I don’t recall this sort of air raids in recent years. And today? The entire Beiruth is going up in flames. Isn’t that a pity? It’s a nice city after all. Used to be, at least. And you? Ya habibi, look at how you look these days. Too scared to look at your own shadow. So you can continue sending your rockets. Whatever you have left. And you can continue making threats on your cellphone. But remember one thing Nasrallah: with us, sometimes the call ends before its time. Booooooooooooooom!

Just kidddddding! Joking, man. It’s just me. Nasrallah? Nasrallah?

Comments

2 Responses to “Hello, it’s me, Nasrallah. Can you hear me?”

Soul on July 15th, 2006 3:35 pm

Great stuff! I’ve read the original at Bud’s blog and you translated it perfectly. Makes me laugh everytime I read it.

Have a great day, my Israeli brother.
eyal on July 15th, 2006 11:46 pm

Thanks Soul. Let’s hope this operation finally changes the balance of power and brings quiet to the border, at least for a while.

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